The
And 
Annotated
Summer Catalog
Odd Goods at Reasonable Prices
your hosts
Mister Malice Mister Dark
BOOKS
The Annotated Hildebaron
Time travel in an easy to carry format. The chrononaut of Lyonesse, Baron Von Hildebaron
may not himself remember his amazing adventures between the dimensions, but his records
still survive. He plundered all of History, and this book tells you how!
your price ƒ40
The Betty Pages
Last remnants of a once vast body of work by the most famous female Assyrian Philosopher.
Placing them on the heads of children causes them to grow into the finest tacticians
and strategists. It is further rumoured that such chidren dream only of battles
past through the eyes of victorious generals.
your price ƒ15
Golems: Where to get 'em
The most comprehensive guide to homonculi ever produced. Features a special "Were
they live or Sussex Hillside?" chapter, as well as extensive diagrams. Only two
copies of this manuscript have not been thrashed to muddy pulp. Reserve yours!
your price ƒ30
Necronomicon Ex Mortis
(Loosely translated, The Book Of The Dead)
We are not at liberty to say.
your price ƒ125
Gulliver's Trumpets
A lost work of Irish whimsey. Actually, the work is not officially lost, as it was
never written by the authour. Stolen from the library of dreams in Faery long ago,
this book is said to provide the ability to cloud men's minds to those who read it.
your price ƒ35
The Last Journal of Tristan Rex
Own the scribblings that saved a kingdom! Facing death, tormented by his enemies,
Tristan Rex of Warwick set to paper his thoughts and dreams. Gypsy scholars say
it might be the most powerful psychometric work produced in decades. Relive the
moment!
your price ƒ15
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CLOTHING
Hats by Jack English
The Original Thinking Cap! Old Mad Jack has created an entire line of new summer
fashion colors and designs, all based on his original "Star" hat. Were Merlin of
Camelot not suffering interminably for his lusts, he'd be sure to own one.
your price ƒ35
Shirts of Golden Mail
A classic import from Faery. We received six lots of these when they fell off the
back of a Yam Wagon. They either enhance the beauty of the wearer to the point where
none can resist them, or burn you to death in an instant. Perfect for Gifts!
your price ƒ40
Power Breeches
These pants were worn by Captain Redheart Stranglehold during his entire campaign
against the Barbary Pirates. When he dived into an undersea grotto to retrieve the
Golden Harpoon (See Below) they were swept away by the tides. Sea legs are just
one of the things you'll get while wearing them.
your price ƒ40
The Dark and Mighty Hat of Malice
No relation! But seriously, this classy chapeau is more devious than a maze designed
by Tarhel the Snake God. Wear it to bed and let the whispering voices instruct you
as you sleep, or bring it to important negotiations and get "live" help. And just
for wearing it more than five hours, you'll have the option of joining the "Dark
and Mighty" club. Live forever in the finest handcrafted felt!
your price ƒ55
The Uncommon Vest of Reginald Halfhart
Look sharp and feel great! The pocket universes and dimensional doorways hidden in
the very fabric of this garment are an invaluable tool for street magicians, gamblers,
pickpockets and doctors. Who knows? You may even discover where Reginald himself
disappeared to!
your price ƒ75
Solar Flared Trousers
The Spaniards say it best: "Siempre lea cuidadosamente la etiqueta, sobre todo la
parte donde dice 'WARNING
'
, que significa precaución." Don't miss out on the alegré!
your price ƒ35
The Jaxon Gauntlets
Wouldn't you like to walk the walk, talk the talk and wear the only knit-mail coverings
which grant you the power of Mastery over all in the Underdark? Dwarven forges,
Elven style and a healthy dose of Elder Dragon Scaling put you in the Fabled Vickregnor's
Seat! Guaranteed for Ten thousand years or Seven generations.
your price ƒ700
Seven-League Slippers
Like traveling but hate the need for formal wear? Seven League Slippers from Atlantis
are the answer for you. Designed for Esteban Smoothe, the greatest lover of his
era, these satin wonders take you immediately to any bedroom you can think of. A
network of willing homes allows you to span the globe.
your price ƒ100
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CUPS (CHALICES, GRAILS)
The Unholy Grail of Drin
Sup with the King of Zombies! All liquids placed in this attractively trimmed,black
and yellow goblet instantly turn to blood...always human, always at room temperature!
Useful for magical research, as well as religious enthusiasts. A Must!
your price ƒ700
The Crystal Goblet Falling
Trapped in space when the original prick came to the Sleeping Beauty of Montressor,
this is not only a powerful preternatural object, but a beautiful objet d'art, as
well. The sands of time are a static beach in the vicinity of the Crystal Goblet
Falling...Who wants to live forever? Everyone! So get ahold of this before you're
dust and your greatest rivals stand laughing at your grave.
your price ƒ2500
The Cups-A-Plenty
From the vasty shores of Greece comes a stunning relic of bygone days an actual
gift of the gods! Jocko's Cous-cous Taverna operated profitably for years with the
Cups as the only item on the menu. Their flash-flood is your gain!
your price ƒ125
Bottle Of Smoke
No need to descend into the pits of Hell to retrieve this wonder of nature, we've
done it for you! Treasured by Gamblers everywhere, the Bottle of Smoke will invigorate
and inspire even the most swaybacked of nags. Your pick is guaranteed to cross the
finish line first. Wouldn't you, if all the Legions of Satan were at your back?
your price ƒ75
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JEWELRY (BAUBLES, PRECIOUS METALS)
The Ring of Marduk
What more can be said about this piece? The legend surely speaks for itself.
your price ƒ10,000
Golden Jade
When the Gnomes of Zurich hired Mistafel the Mage to battle the Captains of Industry,
who had the services of Guison the Wizard, they couldn't have known how the war would
escalate. When humans were finally able to approach the blast site, they found the
entire landscape coated with this marvelous mineral. Useful in any form of decoration,
malleable and crytsalline, Golden Jade is a must for the true Connessieur.
your price ƒ500
Rimfire Medallion
Your money worries are over! With this around your neck, no priest or mendicant may
come within two leagues of you. Tax Collectors instantly burst into flames at twenty
paces. Created when the world was young, in an attempt to make death the only sure
thing.
your price ƒ1000
The Scepter of Banditry
New Item! Are you Luck's chosen son? Take a chance, grab the Scepter, and be made
Emperor of Dark-Knight-Flag Land! Or be cast into the dankest pits of slavery.
It's all up to fate with this chromium soul-sucker!
your price ƒ1800
A Splat of Green
Worn as a brooch, this was crafted by the only man capable of doing so, Sir Percy
Percy of NorthUmberland. Green is the result of a happy alchemical accident, and
may very well be the rarest element on the earth. Rumours of being plagued by demons
as a result of wearing it are largely unfounded.
your price ƒ125
Mazha's Black Pearl
New Item! Mystery, deception, pirates, betrayal, intrigue, the love that lasts, death,
corruption, power, rivalry, siblinghood, the gift that keeps on giving. . . pluck
out an eye, place this daemonic seed in the socket and let the tendrils of evil reinvest
themselves in this world. Accept no substitutes.
your price ƒ290
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MISCELLANY
Silverwood
Overstock Reduction! Take it away, please. Now that the gates between the world
of Man and the world of Faery have clanged shut, it's good to have some of this "sweetener"
handy. Why not stock up?
your price ƒ5
Fairy Fossil Fun
Get this prehistoric evidence of meddling from the Twilight Lands at a super discount!
Wear it, place it under your tongue, mount it on the wall as a trophy of mankind's
first recorded use of the flyswatter. Let your toes twinkle tonight!
your price ƒ50
The Plume that Drew Blood
Gadzooks! Keep this one under lock and key! Possibly the most dangerous item on
our catalog, The Plume T.D.B. is unique in that it can only write the truth. Clearly.
And without mistake. Mere mortals are encouraged to consult a doctor before purchasing.
your price PLEASE ASK
The Blood that Drew Blood
We guarantee the pedigree of this fine amphibian. Employ him for those difficult
divorces or reluctant daughters, but please use discretion.
your price ƒ65
The Orb of Scrying
The High Sage of Jeroboam, the Winker of Quetzal, the Doctor of Dormammu, all these
titles are awarded to the student of the mystic arts who waltzes his way into the
Newcastle Tower gazing into this hand-crafted crystal sphere and gelt ivory creation
mumbling "Get me the soap, Jeffrey. . ." Fulfill the legend, but please remit to
Dark and Malice!
your price ƒ175
The Bannerton Five
The Trial of the Dimension! Was there justice or not in the sentence of the Bannerton
Five? You'll never know, but use the Omnifexal energy of their imprisonment to speak
the language of Power. As always, you are only limited by your will.
your price ƒ500
The Orb of Erotsyot
Consulters, scryes and horoscope givers rejoice! From the darkness of Knight-Flag
Land comes this burst of insight, the Orb. Any question at all can be resolved quickly
and accurately. Dream interpretations no problem. And you should see how it does
Love Conjectures! The Orb is completely self-contained and will not appear to detract
from your natural powers. Unbeatable!
your price ƒ75
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WEAPONS
The Harrowing Halberd
Haunted by the souls of every man, woman and child it's killed, this is one angry
polearm. Only it's wielder can hear the screams of torment, but all your enemies
will know fear.
your price ƒ65
Maxwell's Iron Anvil
Smashing! So many weapons of enchanted properties were produced on this Anvil (carved
in a single piece from a Sky-stone) that Maxwell one day tried putting a handle on
it. Twelve Apprentices later he was able to stop the carnage, but you can let it
continue with this special offer from Dark And Malice.
your price ƒ130
Golden Harpoon
New item! There are those that say the gods no longer walk the earth, but they won't
be saying it around you when you ram the Golden Harpoon where the sun doesn't shine.
Hand painted by seventeen young Naiads and wielded by the extremely successful Captain
Redheart Stranglehold, this baby delivers. Comes with Capt. Stranglehold's personal
stump attachment device, absolutely free!
your price ƒ375
The Deadly Scarring Yo-Yo of Bellamie
Ancient and Oriental, this arcane object comes complete with parchments describing
the Tao of Yo-Yo, with commentary by Tetsuo Zen-do-fal. All the mysteries are yours
to explore.
your price ƒ25
Immortal Twin Swords of the Caldecutt
These fine swords in the "samurai" tradition make an excellent complement to any warrior's
armaments. Even when placed on the wall they lend their standard properties of Clear
Thinking, Calm in Battle, and Nigh Invulnerability. Using them in combination can
produce their "special moves." Electrifying!
your price ƒ100
The Sword of Sinuiju
For a time the Court of Nippon was so desperate for soldiers that they developed the
most effective draft system known to humankind. Grasping the jewel encrusted handle
of this conveniently unguarded little number immediately fills one with a sense of
duty and loyalty to the Emperor. As a ranking knight of Nippon, wielding it with
a mad bloodlust is thereafter your only option . The Bandit Army can live again
with this low-price, world-class cutlery.
your price ƒ100
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